To Sara Khan and friends, re Rudyard Kipling’s “If”

“IFONLY”

By Panopticon

 

With apologies to Rudyard Kipling’s “If”

 

“Do you like Kipling?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never kippled”
                                                                                                                 J. K. Stephen, 1891

 

If you can lose your head when up above you

A poem to inspire you has appeared

And you suspect the genius who wrote it

Probably had bollocks and a beard

If you don’t want to speak with those who planned it

Or ask for a discussion, don’t do that,

Or plead your case politely; just demand it –

That you control the students’ habitat

 

If you can’t see the benefits of  taking

A logical approach to this dispute

Politely pointing out that Rudyard’s poem

Alluded to a war of ill-repute

Whose origins involved a raid by Jameson

(who was the inspiration for the verse)

which led to the creation of apartheid

So their choice of ode could hardly have been worse

 

If you, instead of stating your revulsion

Would rather see the mural be defiled

And slap on it a bucket of emulsion

And scribble in the manner of a child

If you can get your mates to take a photo

To show your handiwork for all to see

And upload it on all your social media

In the hope that you’ll be on the BBC

 

If you can strive to signal all your virtue  

And state that you’ll defend diversity

Whilst making foes of people you object to

Whose outlooks or opinions don’t agree

If you can’t stop, consider, for a minute

The hypocrisy of all the hate you hurl

The future may be just the one you asked for

You’ll be a PC liberal, my girl!

 

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